Monday, August 29, 2011

8 Fears

Let me preface this post by saying that I'm afraid of a whole lot of things.  Not kidding.  Mike's still discovering all the things I'm afraid of.  The ones that I put on here are the worst of the worst.  The fears that don't just freak me out, but paralyze me.  These are seriously no joke to me, as irrational as I'm sure some of them sound.  Hopefully none of you use these against me! Haha.  But seriously.....

Fear #1

Death.  I know this is a pretty obvious one for most people, but it's what scares me most.  It's not so much the fear of dying myself, although that does freak me out.  It's just being around it.  I don't even have to know the person who died to still be sent straight into a panic attack that I mentioned a couple posts back.  I've lost all of my grandparents, and only been to one funeral.  I couldn't even walk inside the room for it.  I couldn't breathe and couldn't stop crying the second my foot broke the plane of the doorway.  My brother had to sit next to me in chairs just outside the door so we could still be a part of it.  I went to a wake to support someone I was close to who lost a family member.  I was fine until I walked into the funeral parlor, then my chest started to get tight, and breathing became difficult.  The second I stepped into the room it was a full blown panic attack.  Not good.

Fear #2

Clowns.  Clowns will also send me into a panic attack if I feel trapped by them.  They always freaked me out as a child, and then I mistakenly watched the movie It.  From that moment on, I've never been able to look at one since.  I can't even hear circus music without getting chills.  If I just happen to see one on TV or out somewhere, if I look away quickly and don't see them again, I'm fine.  It's when I can't get away that I'm not.  Before going into haunted houses or on haunted hayrides I always check to see if there are clowns.  When I went on one, I was told it was just a lot of zombies and such, so I went.  The last scene however, was a dead circus.  That's right, zombie clowns.  I had to listen to circus music, with my head in my hands, surrounded by clowns.  I was shaking, but managing to keep it together, until one jumped up and grabbed me.  Game over.  Panic attack.  It was a nice introduction night to Mike's new teammates that year, haha.

Fear #3

Heights.  This fear is situational.  I can ride tall roller coasters no problem.  I can fly on a plane with no issue.  I can be high up in a sky rise and look out the window no problem.  I can't however step right up to the window and look straight down.  Walking across a high bridge is a problem.  More than 3 rungs up on a ladder is a problem.  Roofs are not an option.  Drop towers at amusement parks are a no-go.  You'll never convince me to bungee jump or skydive.  I made the mistake one time of thinking cliff diving looked fun and spent over an hour crying at the top knowing that the only way down was to jump.  It even makes me nervous to watch other people do the things that scare me.  I hate seeing someone else up high.

Fear #4

Spiders.  I get their purpose.  I appreciate that they keep the insect population down.  That doesn't mean that they aren't ridiculously creepy to look at.  If they are outside, we have no issues.  Spiders are not allowed in my house though.  I see one, I'm calling Mike to get rid of it.  That's right, I won't kill one.  If I'm home alone, I will keep my eye on it until someone else shows up and will get rid of it for me.  I've literally been chased by a few.  Seriously.  Not kidding.  I'll see one on the floor and start to walk away, and next thing I know they're running across the room at me.  I'm always seen running and screaming in the other direction.

Fear #5

The dark.  I know, I sound like a child.  This is a fear that just never went away.  If I'm home alone, I just don't sleep well.  And I sleep with the TV on, so there is some light.  I can sleep in the dark if someone else is in the room with me, but even then, the second it's dark, my eyes won't open until there's light again.  I may be able to say that I know there are no monsters in my closet, or under my bed, but when the lights are off, my eyes are closed.  While there may be nothing there, I don't want to see it if it is.

Fear #6

Deep water.  Not the deep end of the pool, but lakes and oceans.  I don't like not being able to see my feet, and I don't like not being able to touch the bottom.  It freaks me out to think about what's swimming under me.  It's not a fear of a certain animal, like sharks - who I think are awesome, by the way - but just not having any idea what exactly is under me.

Fear #7

Using the phone.  I have no issue calling my family, Mike, or really close friends.  I have problems dialing a number and speaking to people I don't know well.  I will avoid making phone calls at all costs.  If a company says it's best to contact by phone, but provides an email address, I send an email.  I send friends texts.  If I have to call in a prescription or call a doctor I need a few days to repeatedly go over what exactly I'm going to say before I can do it.  If something I wasn't expecting comes up during the call, my brain locks up and I don't know what to do.  I get flustered, can't answer questions, and stutter like crazy.  Because of that, I'm always way more prepared for a phone call than is ever necessary.

Fear #8

Grates.  If I can see through what people are walking on, I'm not walking on it.  I will go out of my way to walk around a grate in the sidewalk.  If I can't walk around it, I'll try to jump it.  I don't care how sturdy they're supposed to be, I'm not taking the chance that I'm falling through.  I also get creeped out when people think it's funny to jump on them to show me they're not falling through.  Irrational?  Yes.  Do I care?  No.  I'll stick to concrete, thanks.

Tomorrow is 7 Wants.  I'll do my best not to mention wedding only things, haha.


  1. my biggest fear is crossing intersections... I can cross neighborhood streets, but if there is a traffic signal... I cry for about 5 mins hugging on to the post before attempting... then I usually end up not crossing

  2. Um...thank you. The one fear that I never thought was validated I guess (until now and because no one else got it) is the thing about grates. I can't deal with it at all. I will walk into a busy street to avoid them. If I can't get around them for some reason, I run over them. My family and friends find it funny and try to push me into them, but I FREAK out. So, I get that. Completely.

    I also get the spider thing - although I feel like that one is a little more common.

  3. totally with you on the spider thing. I hate them! and I constantly have black widows in the window of my bedroom, I usually make my dad kill them as soon as I see them, otherwise I wont even bother them, but I wont kill them either! haha & clowns too omg dont even get me started on those.

    ive also started having a fear of thunder. with all this crazy weather, its been intense!